I Didn't Volunteer For This
by Rachelle Ryan
Summary: About to go into a battle that has been lost before it has begun, one Volunteer Sergeant thinks about the Protector going into it with him.


Disclaimer: I don't own Liam or Sandoval though I think that somebody should rescue them from the abuse they have been put through lately. I do own Sergeant Astor but I'm emancipating him.  
  
Summary: About to go into battle that is lost before it has begun one Volunteer Sergeant thinks about the Protector going into it with him.  
  
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I Didn't Volunteer For This  
  
We'd gotten our orders.  
  
It was a suicide mission. The chances of survival were even less than the chances of surviving a plane crash at 1600 feet. We all knew it could come down to this. I mean when we signed up we all had to get the standard lecture about the risk to ones' life and we've all lost comrades in the service before but...  
  
I look at my men as they gear up for the coming battle. I've never felt prouder of them. They know that this will be their last mission, that they won't be coming back from this one, yet all I see in them is grim determination. A little regret and a little fear seems to be hovering around the edges but they are professionals and are acting like it. I hear a noise behind me and spin to find Major Kincaid standing there.  
  
My eyes widen in surprise. The Major has quite the reputation and I've got to say I believe it. I've only been on one mission with The Major before but it was one to remember. He was down right deadly. We were raiding a terrorist nest in Australia when we found out the group called "The Fighting Sailors" had taken a school full of children hostage in a desperate attempt to keep us from taking them in. I have never seen somebody in such a cold rage as when I saw The Major's face when he was told the news, not even Zo'or. The fight to free the children was the bloodiest one I have ever participated in. The terrorists where all insane and would not surrender. They all died fighting, The Major made sure of it. His clever planning, deadly aim, and relentlessness were what really saved the hostages. The thing is, The Major's reputation is not all blood and guts, its also caring. They say a lot about him and, unlike most rumors, they're mostly right. He knows every Volunteer by sight and greets us like humans and not tools unlike the other Companion Protectors. He has been to every funeral and to every bedside of the Volunteers under his command and even some that aren't. Oh, he doesn't go to other countries for the people he didn't know and we all understand why. The Taelons wouldn't allow it, not a worthy use of his time.  
  
But the thing that was scaring me right now was the look of pure anger that raged in The Major's eyes. His face was the usual impeccable mask but his eyes contained the same rage as that day in Australia. It had me shaking in my combat boots. When he spoke, his voice was filled with suppressed anger. "Sergeant Astor, I will be accompanying you on this mission." Ah, he's mad that he has to die with us. I nodded. Then I noticed that his anger wasn't directed at me. Following his gaze I saw Agent Sandoval behind me. If looks could kill Sandoval would be dead ten times over. As if he could feel The Major's eyes on him, the Senior Protector stopped talking and after a curt nod to his cohort headed over to us. The scowl on Sandoval's face seemed completely out of place. Completely ignoring me as if I wasn't there, he started talking to the Major. I saw irritation flit across the Major's face at Sandoval's actions. There are a lot of rumors about The Major's relationship with Agent Sandoval too. Its clear to everyone he dislikes if not outright hates the man, yet The Major constantly saves Sandoval's life. There was talk for a while about Sandoval torturing The Major and there might be some truth to it. For a while The Major avoided Sandoval, leaving the room if he entered it, ignoring the man when he didn't have to directly talk to him, and generally doing everything he could to avoid the man. Only that was as far as it went and The Major stopped after a few weeks and was back to his usual cocky self. I know if I was tortured I wouldn't be able to look my torturer in the eyes every day and not want to rip them out. If Sandoval really did torture The Major as everyone says, I think he has got to be one of the strongest people I know to come back to work everyday and not try and kill Sandoval. I know I wouldn't be able to and the rest of my team would hold the bastard down for me. That is part of the reason for the Volunteer's sudden coldness to the Agent. No one can trust a person that will have his fellow worker tortured especially if said worker is such a nice guy.  
  
"Major, I still disagree with your insistence on going on this mission. The interests of the Taelons would be better served if you stayed alive." That bastard, not even caring if the rest of us lives or dies...Then Agent Sandoval's words hit me like a brick. Kincaid volunteered to go with us on a suicide mission? I looked at him in amazement. He's insane. A rush of loyalty and hope swept through me. Lately I along with the rest of the Volunteers have been noticing the way the Taelons have been acting and have started to doubt. The Taelons are acting more like feuding children than the saviors we saw them as when they first arrived. The Protectors aren't acting much better, all trying to secure their power bases unconcerned with any thing that has nothing to with their particular brand of insider politics. Dissatisfaction and doubt have been sweeping through out the ranks. We had believed in the kindness of the Taelons, but the greed and corruption of what we though of as a pure species became more and more obvious even to us who were blinded by our own hero worship. Now that belief is shattered and we feel betrayed.  
  
The Major smirked, not at all fooled by Sandoval's insincere anxieties. It is common knowledge that Agent Sandoval finds The Major majorly annoying. "Thank you very much Agent Sandoval for your concern for my well being but I do plan on coming back alive and very much in one piece. I'm more concerned with getting these men back alive." He waved to my men who were still preparing for the mission ahead. Sandoval just snorted in disgust and stormed away. The Major is the only one that I know who can annoy Sandoval enough to break through the composed exterior that the agent exudes. Sandoval seems to affect The Major similarly, but then it is hard to tell with The Major. He is almost as unreadable as Sandoval. The Major watched Sandoval leave, then turned to me and gazed solemnly into my eyes. I returned his searching trying to figure out the enigma of a man that stood before me. His eyes, which moments ago were filled with such anger and contempt, now just held calm and determination. There was steel in that gaze and I had to force myself to not look away. I knew looking in his eyes he was all business without any of the anger of moments ago in his conversation with Sandoval. "Sergeant. What do you think of this mission?"  
  
Startled by the question it took me a moment to answer. "I'm a Volunteer sir. Its not my job to think." Most Protectors treat Volunteers like the drones that run the Mother Ship, like things with no will or intelligence. In fact the only time they seem to think of us at all is when they need us to do their dirty work. One of the reasons I respect the Major so much is the fact that he treats us like humans. He treats us with common courtesy and with respect for our abilities. I was still surprised at his question though, as a junior officer to The Major I usually just get told to do things not asked my opinion or for my advice.  
  
"Wrong, Sergeant. It is always your job to think. When you stop, you're dead and you don't want to be dead any time soon?" I nodded dumbly, feeling as if I was a puppet whose strings had been cut. The last time I had run into The Major I wasn't in charge of my own squad and hadn't had much to do with the planning of the offensive. I had assumed that The Major would be like all the other Protectors, thinking their way was the only way and ignoring the concerns and advice of everyone else. I should have known better. The Major is one of the best and you don't get to be one of the best by thinking you know everything and are always infallible. Nodding along with me he continued, "Right now you've got to be thinking of ways to get us all out of that hell hole alive." Easier said than done Major, I thought. He seemed to be reading my thoughts and smiled at me.  
  
A little off balance, I tried to explain," Sir. This mission is basically a death sentence. There is no point thinking about the end."  
  
Again he nodded, his eyes filled with sympathy and understanding. "Astor. I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that you and your men get out of this alive." The way he said it made me pause.  
  
"What about you?" The Major just flashed me a cocky grin. He looked at all the young men who we would soon be leading into battle and suddenly I was struck by how much The Major at times looked like those same young men, so innocent yet grim as if their childhood had ended too soon. My heart squeezed as I thought of the death awaiting us.  
  
The Major caught the helpless expression on my face and clapped my shoulder. "Once more into the breach my friend." He left me and headed out to gear up.  
  
There are rumors about The Major's loyalty. Some say he is sympathetic to the Resistance. After all that I've seen in my years serving the Taelons I have to say that sometimes I feel that the Resistance has it right after all. When I started out I hated the Resistance for spreading foul stories about the Taelons but... I've learned that they weren't stories. I have seen even more horrific things in the service of the Taelons than even what the Resistance spreads. At first I bought all of the lines about it being for the greater good. But a person can only buy so much crap before they can't swallow anymore. So frankly I don't give a damn if The Major has Resistance leanings. Some of the Volunteers that have decided they like the dark life that they have been given may think differently, but I know my squad along with a lot of the others agree with me. Being a Volunteer used to be an honor, now its just a job where most of us don't expect to do much more than survive. As long as The Major keeps his humanity, I can't think of anyone I'd rather go into a firefight with. The thing is, in the service of the Taelons your humanity is the first thing to go right with your conscience. I know that I've managed to hang on to mine as have most of my men but.... 


End file.
